On Finding a Company that Encourages Me to Embrace My Identity
Today, October 11th, is National Coming Out Day. As I reflect on this day, I’m reminded of how blessed I am to have family and friends who love and accept me for who I am. Even more than that, I am fortunate to have found a company that not only supports diversity, but encourages and sets an example for other organizations. Not everyone in my shoes is so lucky.
With so little discussion out there about sexual identity in the workplace — 41 percent of people who identify as LGBTI* do not feel comfortable disclosing their sexuality at work, and 62 percent of Generation Y LGBTI graduates return into the closet upon taking their first job — I realized I need to tell my story. When employees are scared to be themselves, productivity, retention, engagement, and work culture are negatively impacted. No business leader can ignore this issue.
It’s been a tough year for me, as three of my friends have committed suicide. Each struggled with depression and seemingly endless feelings of guilt and shame. These internal struggles were caused by their community and greater society’s inability to accept their sexuality, and have shown me that creating an inclusive environment should be a company-wide mandate everywhere.
No coming out story is the same, and being openly gay in the workplace brings a whole new dimension of fear. Like most people who have experienced the inner turmoil associated with coming out, my story sadly includes moments filled with discrimination and hostility from others. But it also includes that of love, support and acceptance.
In my early career, I was still coming to terms with my sexuality. When I slowly started to feel comfortable telling close colleagues, they didn’t make a big deal out of it. I felt like the angst I’d worked up was a waste of energy, and I could enjoy life because they loved me for being me. But as the years passed and the stakes were raised at work, I felt like I had to increasingly hide parts of myself. I was often scared of not being promoted because of my homophobic bosses, like the one who continually picked on me, and made me feel like I was never good enough by constantly belittling my achievements. He even tried to stop me from running our LGBTI Diversity and Inclusion group, because he said he didn’t see how it was benefiting anyone.
I’ve had colleagues reveal their belief that homosexuals should be shot. In those moments, I thought about telling them I was gay just to see their reaction and how quickly they’d backpedal on their words. But some discussions just aren’t worth having.
My story isn’t all negative though. I want to share more about my current company, and how my perception of hiding sexuality in the workplace has changed. Given my past experiences, I was hyperaware of looking for inclusive cultures and interview processes as I searched for a new job earlier this year. Lever ended up being a breath of fresh air compared to the other Silicon Valley startups I was considering.
At Lever, every hire goes through an interview called Career Trajectory, where we are able to share our past experiences and showcase our identity. I learned that the CT Interview is based on the idea that people are far more than a resume or list of bullet points, and the notion that our core patterns of behavior and motivators hold steady throughout our professional careers. This deep-dive with your interviewer allows you to be introspective so that you can find the right mutual fit. I decided not to hold anything back during my CT. I shared the pains of working at places where I couldn’t truly be myself, and was very clear about needing my next company to not only respect me, but value my integrity.
It’s taken years — my entire professional career, actually — but I’ve finally found a company that recognizes that a diverse and inclusive workplace fosters authenticity. My coworkers know that we live in a world which is plagued by inequality, and Lever’s push to stand against that inspires me every day. The constant drive towards accepting everyone’s differences reminds me that there is this immense human capacity for kindness and generosity. And it’s exciting to see proof of these efforts slowly working. We’re earning badges of honor we can celebrate together: recently, we reached an exciting milestone of a 50:50 male/female employee ratio and now, almost half of our Executive Leadership team is women. These, to me, signal that we’ll have more achievements on the diversity front in the coming years, and it fills me with pride and honor to be able to be part of it.
After years of struggle, doubt, and shame, I finally feel like I’m set up for success. By being encouraged to bring my best and most true-self to work, I am able to perform at my top level. I’m also learning every day to be more accepting of others’ differences and less judgmental of their circumstances, since everybody — including you and me — have unconscious biases. What matters is our decision to recognize them. How are we tackling them to create inclusive spaces that humanize our workplace? It’s a slow process, but one my team is willing to endure.
My story is difficult to fully encapsulate in a public blog post, but I feel compelled to share it with as many people as I can because my experiences have empowered me to help others feel comfortable in who they are. If you, or someone you know, is struggling with depression and thoughts of suicide — please reach out. Tell someone. Your life is important. I hope my sharing encourages you to live freely in a workplace that values authenticity — because I found out it’s possible, and you deserve nothing less than the same.
The Inside.Lever blog aims to showcase Lever’s culture and commitment to creating a diverse and inclusive environment where Leveroos are equipped to build innovative recruiting software. We’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions, contact us at inside@lever.co
